Well, it's almost a month since my adoptive parents visited and I've just about recovered.  I'm back on the waggon, I've had a penultimate session with my counsellor where we talked about the bad place they'd put me back in, and my wife and I are reconciled to never having them to visit again.

It's difficult to explain just how hurtful they are, how insidious that hurt is, how subtle.

One of the ways involves a discussion my mother started about wills.  There's needs updating because they have moved house and the will relates to an older property. 

For years my adoptive parents have said that their estate would be split between myself and my two(adoptive) sisters equally. Some time ago my Mother entertained the idea that there should be a fourth equal share to go to my younger sister's child. The three of us objected and I made the point long ago that if I were to have children that would change things again and that it was the responsibility of each of us to make provision for our children. I also remember saying that as far as I was concerned they could write me out of their will altogether as I'd made my own way in the world and could continue to do so. My parents were always adamant that they should not do that however.

So on that weekend a month ago when they visited my mother again asserted that she wanted the will split four ways, completing disregarding their previous wishes and the fact that I now have a child. When asked about whether he was to be included, necessitating a five way split, my mother appeared confused, my older sister (who had accompanied them) jumped on her with a verbal onslaught as did my father.

Things degenerated from this point. Up until now it had been a difficult couple of days. My parents avoided any discussion whatsoever of any of the events in my life associated with the years I've spent coming to terms with my adoption, my mother continued her narcissistic quest for attention in various manipulative ways and my sister desperately attempted to arbitrate. I and my wife generally were quiet and bemused, waiting for the weekend to end.

This conversation about the wills prompted my mother to turn to me and ask me "To be a man and tell her all the things she's done against me over the years..." to which I retorted that we could get into that if she wanted, but did she really? At which point she proceeded to fall over in the garden twice.

I found out subsequently that my mother also wanted my younger sister to inherit the bulk of the estate (their flat) because my older sister and I are OK financially, but my father objected. I suspect when he's gone she'll change it in this regard which is fine by me, though of course unfair.

I to my regret got very drunk and gave my father a proof copy of "Reconstructing Stephen" telling him he should read it.

Subsequent to their return my father has failed to read the book.  My older sister spent all night reading it before they left and we talked through some of it and hopefully reached a point of understanding (she has always tried). Some days later a call from my younger sister asked me to change various aspects of the book, which I refused; but we did I hope iron out some of the ways she'd mistreated my and my wife and my son over the years. The door's open to something of a reconciliation if she chooses to take it.

And as for my adoptive parents? Nothing changes.